I literally hate being single so much. I’m not ashamed to admit it anymore.

There, I have finally said it. I’m tired of going home to my empty apartment after my shift, tired of eating alone, waking up on weekends with no one beside me and wondering if I would ever find someone. Suppose it’ll ever be my turn. And worst of all, I hate pretending that I’m okay with all of this and that this is for the best of myself.

A few weeks ago, I was talking to my friend Priya during a very dull afternoon at the diner. She’s an Indian, and she has recently got married. She told me about how she found her husband through an Indian matrimonial site and not some cheesy college romance. I had no idea such sites existed outside the rom-com world.

What I found out afterwards was even more shocking!!
In India, these sites are huge. And there aren’t any dating sites; these are caste-based ones specific to the community. She used a Mudaliyar matrimony site. Two families connect, profiles are matched, and exchanging conversations later, she is engaged. Six months after that, she’s happily married and already talking about kids. At first, I was skeptical. It all sounded very arranged. But the more she shared her experience, the more it started to make sense. It was not about romance or picture-perfect proposals; it was about finding the one who shares the same values, has a similar background as you, and wants to build a life: no endless texting, ghosting, or dating app fatigue.

Meanwhile, here I am, getting hit on by random customers at work and trying to pretend I’m not lonely every time I see a family walk in and settle at a booth with their toddler in tow. I want that life. I like the mess, the love, the chaos of being a wife, a mom, a partner. I want someone to come home to, someone to build a future with.

I know marriage and motherhood aren’t easy. I’ve seen the stress, the exhaustion, the tears. But I’ve also seen the joy. The kind of joy that doesn’t come from scrolling aimlessly through dating apps or sleeping in on a Sunday alone.

I dont think there’s any matrimonial site for my background, but I wish I had something or someone to ground me down. Because being single isn’t freedom anymore; it’s just lonely.

And I can’t wait for life to surprise me with someone.