Working as a waitress is mostly about carrying plates, remembering orders, and sometimes faking smiles for tips. I love every part of this job, except how relentlessly guys hit on you and how nobody warns you about it. It’s not flirting; there’s no polite asking; it’s straight-up hitting on. I’m talking about the full-on, boundary-crossing, won’t-take-a-hint kind of attention that comes with just doing my job.

It begins with a smile, and I can’t help but smile back because if I do, someone is going to complain that I’m rude or unfriendly. But for some guys, that smile is an open invitation. A huge reason for them to think I’m into them. And then suddenly, I’m getting comments like, “You have a beautiful smile; bet your boyfriend’s lucky.” Or “Are you on the menu?” Yeah. Really.

Then come the numbers. Slipped in with the check, scrawled across napkins, whispered as I’m reaching over to clear a glass. “You should call me sometime.” I never do. But that doesn’t stop them.

Sometimes it’s subtle. But what gets to me is how often it happens; they dont let go of any opportunity presented to them. There are a few times it gets to the point where guys won’t take “I’m working” as a serious reason to stop talking. They keep asking personal questions like they’re entitled to my story. Who waits outside after my shift? One even asked my coworker what time I leave every night. That one scared me.

I wish more and more people understood the difference between kindness and consent. Just because I’m polite and smile doesn’t mean I’m interested. Just because I laughed at some joke you said doesn’t mean you can have my number. I work on my feet for hours, hustling for the little tips, and I’m trying to make a living. I am not here looking for a date

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying all men do this. Some are genuinely respectful. Some tip well, say thank you and leave. Bless them. But enough don’t. Enough cross the line that I’ve learned to keep my guard up even while pouring coffee or asking, “How’s everything tasting?”

So if you’re ever at a restaurant and you think your waitress is cute, remember: she’s at work. You’re a customer. Let her do her job. And if you must leave a number, at least accept that silence is your answer. And tip well.